The Biggest Wall To Climb Is The Wall In Your Mind: Insecurities 101

In case you didn’t already know, everyone is flawed in their own way, plain and simple. The fact is, nobody is perfect, but of course living in the society that we do, life can be portrayed otherwise. From what we see posted across social media platforms and how others are made out to be, there is this false representation of what ‘perfection is. Though, to be completely honest, there is no such thing as being perfect. We are all human beings, with entirely different goals, expectations and potentials. To have flaws are absolutely normal because we are indeed meant to learn from our flaws and utilize those parts of us as a way to nourish growth both individually and collectively. The reality is feeling insecure is a battle we experience within ourselves but, what does this truly mean? Well, to feel insecure about something means experiencing an inner battle with self-trust resulting in a cloud of uncertainty. And where there are clouds … there is rain. A lack of trust in anything creates hesitant behaviour particularly towards decision making and taking initiative. Due to our insecurities, we tend to live with excessive anxiety and paranoia. We avoid taking proactive action and judge ourselves harshly when our personal expectations are not achieved. And whilst struggling with those insecurities, we tend to form unhealthy attachments to others as a coping mechanism. We use people as a platform to boost our own self-esteem, relying on them to build our self-worth to bring the best out of us. However, the unfortunate reality is that people let us down, and with that surfaces much disappointment! But why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we solely depend on other people to boost our confidence?

What exactly triggers insecurities?

I am by no means a professional psychologist or therapist so, I am in no position to provide you with a specific answer as to why you may feel insecure however, from the people I surround myself with I am fortunate enough to gather my own understanding on the subject as well as learn how best to overcome my own personal insecurities. Now, if I am to generalise, you may feel insecure due to the irrational interpretations you make about yourself or about your ability to achieve your goals. Referring back to the ‘false representations of perfection’ creating irrational interpretations of yourself is certainly inevitable! let’s be real, the world of social media has completely modified our perception of what is acceptable hence encouraging this notion of a false reality. For example, you might expect perfection from yourself, based on other peoples accomplishments – naturally, however, the actual reality is very different from your imagined reality. You simply cannot live up to those unrealistic standards, what you see online isn’t always what you get in real life! So, to place any sort of comparison of yourself with other people contributes to this heavy feeling of rejection, low self-esteem, judgment, criticism, uncertainty etc. In simpler terms, you may feel as though you’re not good enough.

Those insecurities introduce a mass of anxiety that ultimately holds you back from living the life you envision for yourself. As insecure as you are internal, you certainly don’t want to show it to others and so you may compensate in other ways to hide your flaws and shortcomings. For instance, because you lack confidence you naturally compensate by being excessively competitive, or perhaps incredibly selfish, overly critical of others. On the other hand, you might come across as being very defensive and combatant. You see those types of behaviours are not necessarily driven by you but instead those flaws. In such instances, you tend to blame people for your problems, or you may simply judge them unfairly. Furthermore, you may come across as quite aggressive and get easily aroused by jealousy. The only reason you indulge in these kinds of actions is to hide your insecurities and imperfections behind a veil of your inadequacies. But as I said, we all have flaws, it’s just the way it is. Not to say those behaviours are justifiable but, when acknowledged it’s definitely something to be worked on.

How To Tackle Those Insecuritites:

Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:

1. What do I generally feel insecure about?
2. What uncertainty exists in my life to make me feel insecure?
3. What fears are causing me to have low self esteem?
4. Why am I feeling insecure about these things?
5. What is the root cause of all these insecurities?

Asking yourself questions provides you with the opportunity to peel back the layers to understand how you have come to develop these insecurities. The deeper you search the better understanding you will grasp. Judging from my own experiences the root cause of my insecurities stemmed mainly from a group of memories I held onto for several years. These memories linked to the absence of my dad and being raised in a single-parent household, this experience highly influenced my decisions and actions growing up, especially transitioning from child to teen. Though I am extremely lucky to be surrounded by a village of strong, independent, confident, beautiful, powerful, inspiring women who in fact taught me the meaning of feeling empowered as well as secure with my situation. Even more, so that the word ‘insecure’ is very much foreign to me now and most definitely not a part of my vocabulary, purely because of the people in my life. You see, I have understood that your interpretation of your experiences is the determining factor in how you feel. At the root of these experiences is a set of limiting thoughts that you have chosen to adopt. You must first work through these areas to begin erasing your insecurities.

Now, confront your insecurities. Recognise that your anxieties are nothing more than perceptions of yourself based on people, circumstances, or what will or will not happen. On the surface, they are just opinions and points of view that you have adopted. To modify your perspectives, you must confront them in some way. In other words, you need to think about your fears more clearly and objectively. You must break free from previous habits and patterns of behaviour to overcome your anxieties. You must then replace such behaviours with powerful habits, daily rituals, and routines that help you achieve your goals and objectives. Furthermore, you must train a new set of ideas that are consistent with those behaviours. Only in this manner can you get the mental fortitude and momentum required to conquer your fears.

Yours Truly,

Sasi