Reconnecting With An Ex During Lockdown, Boredom or Loneliness?

It should come as no surprise that people have justified texting their exes during a time when you’re feeling way more cut off from the world than ever before. Life in lockdown has definitely been extremely challenging mentally, emotionally and physically for basically everyone! Even more so, that the emotional toll this pandemic has taken on the couples in quarantine or those in self-isolation has further encouraged some to take extreme measures just to get by during these tough times. It’s hard to say when exactly life will return to normal, or if that’s even a possibility at this rate, but the uncertainty of living an ordinary life once again can lead you to re-evaluate your whole love life, especially when you’re not outside socialising with new people. Right now, thanks to social distancing restrictions there is this heavy feeling of loneliness being experienced, though this is in fact very normal, as human beings we require a basic need for a connection. Fortunately, we are living in times where we are accessible to online connections like; dating apps, facetime or the simple Snapchat/Instagram DMS to stay connected and occupied, however, this may not be the type of connection people are looking for at a time of complete social isolation. Loneliness can be a uniquely vulnerable feeling which can typically bring up old memories or experiences, including ones with an ex. These thoughts of an ex introduce the opportunity to search for meaning more intensely, possibly in hopes of reuniting, confessing lingering feelings, clearing the air or setting the record straight. No matter the reason, the real question is, are you reaching out to your ex from boredom, loneliness or genuine intent?

“Boredom can result in people making familiar (and sometimes unhealthy) choices in an effort to alleviate their boredom”

How about if the roles are reversed and it is in fact the ex reaching out to you? Depending on the history, your current relationship status and the effort of them reaching out, this curiosity may be quite hard to ignore especially if the feelings of loneliness, regret, love are involved. It may have been just days, week, months or even years since the last form of communication, and so, to determine their interior motives might be difficult. Right now, most exes seem to be fighting against boredom, loneliness, or a deep reflection over their own life/ conscience; others seem to be coming from a place of sincere concern but, no matter the circumstance that doesn’t mean that their friendly initiative should be eagerly embraced. Yes, sometimes the sense of familiarity can help foster a sense of connection during social isolation which could actually help ease the state of your mental wellbeing, on the other hand, a ghost from the past reappearing at a time like this can also introduce an overwhelming feeling of vulnerability and past emotions. But, it’s like I said, depending on the type of history and experience from that ex-relationship helps to decide how to approach the situation. Are you comfortable replying to your ex’s message? Do you want to entertain the gesture? Or is it a bad move?

During normal circumstances, the rules for initiating communication with an ex are simply unspoken, but to be frank; Don’t let loneliness be your motivation for reconnecting with an ex who wasn’t good for you or you for them. Unless you truly believe that your previous partner was “the one worth fighting for” or that your relationship ended over something you’ve now come to realise is insignificant, then just leave your ex alone! Respect their desire to discontinue communication. 

Take note that an ex can be a particularly alluring person because they provide familiarity during uncertain times and as human beings, we gravitate towards structure and familiarity especially during times of heightened stress. This is definitely a situation to tread carefully because the outcome may not be for the best for either party. Don’t be selfish in prioritising your needs when reaching out, maybe the distance is for the best, maybe they have moved on and are in a better space … The main point is to think before you do, and that goes for everything in life. It’s best to avoid supplying false hope out of selfish desires.

Yours Truly Sasi